I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
