he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
