My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
