CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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