so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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