hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
