He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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