I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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