Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
