FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
