Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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