i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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