Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
