I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Who did Billy Mays play for?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
