And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
