I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
