I want to walk on stilts...naked
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
