Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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