Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
