So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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