Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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