You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
