How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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