Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
