i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
