I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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