fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
