She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
