I think i peed on brittanys purse
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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