I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
