I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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