I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
