It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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