i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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