I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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