I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize