Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
