Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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