therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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