i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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