I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
