i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
