she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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