and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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