dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
