i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
