you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
