Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
