dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
