I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize