I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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