somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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