Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
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hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize