no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
