I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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