I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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