yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
