is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
