It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
