He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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