Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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