I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You pole danced in your parka.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
