she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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