This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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