Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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