I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
