you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
