dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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