There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
