Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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