she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
