don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
