kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
