mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
