what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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