If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
