i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
